I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
