i dedicated my morning wood to you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize