How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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