3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
