Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
