he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So apparently I’m into choking now
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
