dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
