I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
