Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
