theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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