Welp...herpes.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
