She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
