Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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