An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
