I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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