I faked an abortion last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
