Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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