Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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