Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
