New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
