know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
