OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
