yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
