Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
