He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
