So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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