Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
