He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
