the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
