first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
