Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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