A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
