its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
