so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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