Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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