Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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