I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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