i need an iv and a liver transplant
My hand turned me down
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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