ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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