She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
