I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry about my life...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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