Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
