Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
