A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
