I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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