if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
