first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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