I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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