Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
