so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
