What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
