Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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