god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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