I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
