And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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