on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
