does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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