I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
