R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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