Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
