I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize