Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
