Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is wine microwaveable?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
