I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
