I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
