I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
A bitchslap is in order.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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