no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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