i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
