Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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