According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
PANTIES FOUND
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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