I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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