just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
