Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
