I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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