paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
