how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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