College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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