so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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