Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
