I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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