she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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