watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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