One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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