The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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