Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
