Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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