I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
