I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
