You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
