I met the friendliest cop last night
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
