Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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