benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
