12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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