You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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