I just threw up on my dentist
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
